Feeling human
by Oo Faith oO
Summary: - Vincent never thought he could feel this way again, but Catherine always manages to see right through him. She makes him feel human again - Alternative ending to 1x04, the ending was missing something to me, so I wrote my version of it. Enjoy and comment/review! ;)
1. Ch1 - Will you stay?

**Vincent's pov **

I just wish she'd never had to go through something like that. And the idea that I am the one responsible just about drives me to the edge of madness. Beast not included.

As I watch her as strands of her hair dance around her face, it dawns on me. That feeling I get whenever I don't know if she's safe or not, my stomach clenching every time she says my name, the way I'm powerless to her every demand, that hopelessness and vulnerability I feel whenever she would look into my eyes. Maybe, just maybe I can give it a name...

But am I even capable of something like that anymore?

I file that question away for future obsessing and focus on the evidently sad girl sitting in front of me. She just said she also wishes it didn't have to be this hard, did she mean it the way I did? Can she really care about me despite what they showed her? She knows now what I'm capable of, and despite the initial understandable fear, she now says she trusts me. Can I trust myself with her trust?

My mind goes blank when I feel her touch on my clenched fists. I look up at her and I meet her sweet smile.

- stop obsessing, I can handle this - she whispers.

How can she read me like an open book? Maybe it's because she's a detective. She's used to reading people. But the way her eyes seem to cut right through all the walls I put up and just get to me. I don't even want to think about it, I'm afraid I'm beginning to understand what's going on with me. And that scares the hell out of me.

I take her small hands into mine and look her straight in the eyes, trying to convey in one look all the messy feelings I have.

-I'm so sorry you have to go through this - I try not to read too much into how her heartbeat spikes when I touch her, or how her breathing accelerates the longer I keep my eyes locked on hers.

Or could it be fear? She didn't flinch when I touched her, I dare to hope she's not completely repulsed by my touch.

Then she shivers, hard. It must be fear, that's it. I scare her.

Or maybe she's just cold. Is it that cold out here? I didn't notice. But again I'm not exactly normal. Again I'm daring to hope.

-you're getting cold. You should get inside, and I should be going- I say standing. When my hands leave hers they suddenly feel tingly, they felt so right holding hers.

Then my eyes fall on her lips, they look so pink and soft... All my body is tingling now, I ache to touch her and worst of all I ache to kiss her. To feel her lips on mine, her body close to mine.

I never fully realized how much I missed human contact. Until Catherine came back into my life. Maybe that's what keeps me sane, maybe that's why I manage to control myself around her. She keeps alive what little humanity I have left.

Bad, this is just bad.

Before I do something she probably doesn't want I turn away and prepare myself to jump out when two cold hands catch one of mine. I immediately stop and I turn to face her. Her eyes are full of doubt.

-I want to ask you something but I don't know how you'll take it – her voice would be inaudible to human ears. I barely hear her through her heartbeat.

Unable to help myself I squeeze her hands. Then I lift her chin with one finger, now it's her turn to look vulnerable.

-it's okay, whatever it is. Ask me anything- and it's so true it makes me sad. I'd do anything she asked me to, probably even stay away for good.

My chest constricts at the thought. Is she going to ask me to stay away? Jeez, I'm getting paranoid.

-will you stay with me tonight? I don't want to be alone-

And right there, in that moment, standing in the fire escape of her apartment, my chest implodes with this wonderful feeling. I don't make the smallest attempt to stop it, I let it grow a life of its own and it swells in my body from head to toes. I feel it everywhere, my stomach, my arms, my legs. It threatens to swallow me but I welcome it because after what it feels like a lifetime, I feel completely human.

I'm in love.

I can't believe she'd ask me that, I'm completely disarmed at her honesty. All I can do smile and nod while my arms take a life of their own and encircle her. She fits perfectly into my arms, her head fits like a puzzle piece under my chin leaning on my chest. I feel rather than hear her heartbeat slow back to normal, her breathing too is calming down. Was she too feeling that unbearable ache to be close?

I feel her hands on my chest and it's the most amazing feeling in the world, she feels so real in my arms. I feel her quiet sobs and I hug her tighter to me. Her arms snake around my neck as she draws me closer to her, I feel her breath on my neck and it's my turn to shiver. I bury my face in her hair and take deep breaths of her scent. I never felt calmer in my life, right now I feel like I'll never lose it again. I feel normal. A normal guy hugging a sad girl.

A sob escapes her chest, there it is. All the build-up tension is crashing down on her. My hands run slowly up and down her back trying to soothe her, she was scared. She had been scared all day. She may be a bad-ass detective but you don't get kidnapped like that without experiencing a little after shock. Thank god she asked me to stay, I never would have wanted to break down like this and being alone.

-I'm... so... sorry- she says through the sobs.

I shush her and caress her hair. Something I wanted to do for a while now. She shivers again, this time I'm sure she's not cold. Am I making her shiver? That would be good.

-I was so scared... they were gonna take you away... and it would've been all my fault...- She manages to say through the tears.

Is that what she was afraid of? Muirfield taking me away? I'm speechless. She really does care about me. If she feels even an inkling of what I'm feeling right now...

-it's okay Cat. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere- it's all I manage to say, and it's also the absolute truth. Nothing will take my away from her, not in a million years.

But I don't trust myself saying anything else, it just may scare her away. I'm beyond happy that she wants me here as much as I want to be here, I do not dare ruin the moment.

Only when she's calmed down I dare loosen our embrace but I do not let go of her hands.

-better?- I whisper to her. She smiles up at me.

-very- her wit is back, I can't help but smile too.

-but I still want you to stay with me tonight, I'd feel safer. Is that okay?-

Is she really asking me that?

-sure, whatever makes you feel better- I squeeze her hands. She blushes. And I'm lost again.

I thank whatever God is out there that she can't hear my heartbeat because it's going on a roller coaster ever since she asked me to stay. Good thing my heart's stronger than the average, otherwise I just may have had an heart attack tonight.

She leads me into her room, our hands never breaking contact. I thought it's be somehow awkward but it's not. It feels so natural as I lay down on her bed and she nestles herself on my side. My arm naturally comes to rest on her waist and my other hand intertwines with hers on my stomach. She uses my chest as a pillow as she hugs me closer.

-your heart's beating fast- she murmurs. Crap, she can hear my heartbeat now too.

-yours too- I tease.

-must be all the action from today...- she murmurs as an excuse but I feel her face warm up, she's blushing. I smile at myself.

-must be.- I whisper.

I listen to her heartbeat as she's undoubtedly listening to mine. I never had someone so close as to be able to hear my heart. It feels intimate and I feel unexpectedly exposed, she can tell I'm excited to be near her. And I wonder if she feels like that all the time since I can hear hers all the time.

I erase all the questions and doubts from my head and try to enjoy the feeling of having her so close to me. I'm in her bed holding her, she's not terrified nor repulsed by me and moreover she wants me here.

For the first time in 10 years I fall asleep feeling human. And serene.

* * *

Hi everyone, thanks for the reviews on "Daydreaming"! I love reading them, so keep em coming! I'm a newbie writer and English is not my mother-tongue so hearing that you like what I write and how I write it is wonderful to me.

So, this is how I wanted 1x04 to end. The ending felt a little up in the air to me, like it was missing something, so I wrote my version of what happened. I didn't make them kiss because I feel we're not quite there yet. I mean the sexual tension is obviously there and it's strong but I feel it'd be untrue to the characters. They have built walls upon walls around themselves and it will take time to break them all down.

I'm sorry if Vincent feels a little whiny but I picture him like this, full of doubts and insecurities about whether Cat is repulsed or scared of him.

Let me know what you think, I love writing about these two, there's so much potential! I'll maybe write something else after the next episodes, I need to watch them to be inspired! And the next one looks really promising! Can't wait.


	2. Ch2 - Don't go

So, I got asked a lot for a follow up of the first chapter, so here it is. Enjoy ;)

* * *

Vincent's pov.

Warmth. Sweetness. Happiness.

These feelings came to be so foreign to me, I haven't felt them in so long that they catch me off guard. As I regain consciousness I'm even more aware of these new feelings and how they came to be alive again.

I feel the warmth of Catherine's body as she sleeps next to me. I feel the sweetness of her scent in the air, made even more powerful by her closeness, her hair smell so good you could probably make a perfume out of it. And finally I feel happiness, bright and shiny happiness blooming in my chest, that is the strangest of them all. It's almost alien, or maybe they're just the human feelings I'm not used to anymore.

I feel her even breathing, she's still in a deep sleep. The light coming from the window is getting brighter by the minute. Trying not to jostle her, I turn my head to see the bedside clock, 5.34. I have to get home before it gets light enough for someone to see me jumping from rooftop to rooftop.

I don't want to leave. I'd rather stay here and sleep some more. Catherine's slow heartbeat is the best lullaby. During the night she came even closer so now she's practically sleeping on me, her head on my chest, half of her chest is on mine, one of legs in between mine. I think that at some point in my sleep I hugged her closer. The love I feel for this girl still takes me by surprise despite last night revelation and I'm suddenly very aware of all her body pressed against mine, this is not good. I have to go, now. I seems that feeling human as its downsides after all...

A sigh deeply and try to slowly slip away from her trying not to wake her. I've almost made it out of her embrace when she stirs and grabs my arm as I try to slip away. I freeze.

-Vincent- I hear her soft voice and smile. I love how she says my name.

-'morning sleepyhead- I squeeze her lightly and pull away from the warmth of her embrace. Instantly I wish I didn't. My body suddenly feels cold and my arms feel empty without her. I sit on the edge of her bed looking for my shoes.

-mmh, where are you going?- she yawns, her eyes still closed. I hear her heartbeat picking up a little, might it be that she doesn't want me to leave?

I chuckle and she opens her sleepy eyes. -I should get home before it's light enough for anyone to see me- I face away from her and I lean forward to put my shoes on.

I hear her stretching and yawning. I smile to myself, even her yawn is lovely. -what time is it?-

-almost six. It's already too light outside, J.T. will have an heart attack if he doesn't find me in my bed when he wakes up- She laughs quietly, I laugh along with her. It feels like I'm talking about a parent. That's how it feels lately, he's the responsible parent and I'm the misbehaving teenager. Again the humanity of this situation makes me smile on the inside, the timing is all wrong I'm far from being a teenager, but it feels good all the same.

-at least let me make you coffee before you go- she offers smiling.

Yeah, coffee. I forgot the last time I drank coffee. I turn to face her and smile -mmh, me and caffeine not such a good idea. But thanks.-

-oh, of course. Sorry- I figured out years ago that caffeine makes me even more prone to mood swings which is not good if I want to keep myself under control.

As realization hits her her smile falls, it's the little things like this that probably remind her that I'm not normal, that I'm not human.

I look her in the eyes, behind the sleepiness there's some other feeling I can't name. Sadness? Longing? Embarrassment?

As I stare deeply into her eyes lost in my own thoughts I feel her small hand on mine.

-thanks for staying with me, it was nice not to be alone after yesterday.- she says timidly. I smile at her.

-of course, I just wish you didn't have to go through things like that at all. Especially because of me.- I still feel so guilty for putting her in danger.

-it's okay Vincent really, don't worry so much about me.- but we both know it's useless to tell me not to worry about her. All I do is worry, especially lately.

-I'll try... if you try and do the same- we stay like this, our hands intertwined, for a while. It seems neither of us really wants to let go. She feels like an anchor to my humanity, whenever I feel like I'm losing it she brings me back. All the emotions she has woken up in me seem to make me more stable and unstable at the same time, they take me over the edge and keep me sane at the same time. It's a thin line to walk on, will we be able to find out middle ground?

As we stare into each others eyes I hear her heartbeat pick up very fast and soon she's out of breath, I feel my own heart jump a little, I wish I had the liberty to kiss her and stay here with her. But I really have to go.

I tear myself away from her gaze that's becoming perilously intense but her hand on my chest stops me from standing. I look at her again with a question in my eyes.

-I just wanted to feel if your heart was beating as fast as mine. Since you can hear mine all the time, it's only fair I feel yours too- yeah, it's beating definitely fast. Maybe even as fast as hers. -it's nice to know I'm not the only one with the misbehaving heart- she says jokingly trying to lighten the mood.

-oh, mine does that too. Believe me.- and before I really do something I shouldn't, I kiss her lightly on the forehead and jump out the window.

As I climb down the fire escape I get a last glimpse of her with the sweetest smile lingering on her lips and two very pink cheeks. Yes, I'm definitely in love with her, and that's fine.

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Sorry it took me awhile to write this, university and my thesis adviser are kicking my butt! Though I imagined last chapter as a one shot, some of you asked for a follow-up and I got inspired.

These two are so sweet together it's unreal, it's been a while since I really liked a couple this way. Thank God BatB has been picked up for a whole season, I can't wait to see what happens next!

Please take the time to review/comment if you liked this, or even if you didn't. Your reviews really make my day.


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